Ok, so its pretty much a fact between men and women alike that women are fascinated with the “jerks” and “bad boys” who will eventually, inevitably, break our hearts. We are accused of ignoring the nice guys and going for the bad boys…but what is the reason? In all 20 years I have been alive, I have yet to hear one reason that is consistent with every case as to why women prefer bad boys over good boys. Its for this reason that I propose one of my own: women want to be the one person the bad boy change for. Or, rather, we want to fix them.
"If its broken, fix it. If it can’t be fixed, leave it." A life mantra we teach ourselves in order to get out of sticky situations we cannot handle. Women, by nature, are empathic creatures that are born and bred naturally to be a nurturing spirit. Of course, the personalities of women are on a case-by-case basis, as are the personalities of men. We aren’t all the nurturing spirit, but nature has dictated that we should be because we are the ones who carry and breast-feed our children; we are the ones who keep the family and home together. We can’t do that without having a certain level of a nurturing spirit.
How does that translate into the relationship arena? We want to nurture, so we look for the one thing that’s broken; the bad guy. He’s the mysterious man sitting in the corner that seduces us with his enigmatic aura. In the back of his mind, he knows what effect he has on us, and he doesn’t have a problem using that to his advantage. Women aren’t weak when we fall for this; we are drawn to it because we A. want to fix what is broken and B. we want to follow a mystery that keeps us on our toes. Does that excuse our decision to go for the bad guy. Absolutely not. And does that mean that every woman out there falls for those antics just because we feel the need to fix what’s broken: NO!
Of course, inevitably and rarely is this ever the opposite case, we have our hearts broken by the bad guys. They ruin us, break our hearts and make us feel less than. Songs are written about how they reel us in only to break our hearts and leave in a confused trance. We are confused because we thought we could fix them; we are confused because they turned out to be EXACTLY who they came off as…and we blame ourselves instead of them because we went against our instincts and followed our natural need to nurture and fix. Its a psychological battle between what we feel is right and what IS the right thing to do. Instinct vs. Nature. Intellect vs. Personality.
Is this always the case? No. Is it usually the case? Yes.
"Good guys always finish last", we hear this phrase all the time. Arguments can be made in the opposite direction, but how can this statement be justified? What makes or defines a "good guy"? Would it be a guy that is willing to go against his innate sense of right and wrong in order to trap a girl into thinking that he IS the good guy and, thus, make her feel bad when she rejects him?
Now, is that really being good?
How can you justify being the good guy when everything you do for a women has an ulterior motive? You let her cry on your shoulder, you bring her flowers on her birthday, you laugh and cry with her, you buy her tampons when she’s on her period…and you do all this to come off as good…but do you also do it so you can have ammunition against her? Do you do it so you can pull out the “good guy” card when she rejects you? Is that being the good guy?
If there could be a line against the obvious bad boy and the good boy, it would be the difference in which they attract or use a woman. Bad boys seduce and manipulate them; whisper sweet nothings in their ear in order to leech from them what they want and then leave them behind after they have reaped all the benefits. “Good guys”, in this context, do kind things for their lady friends and stand by their side only to use that against them when they are rejected. “After all I have done for you?” or “So you’re friend-zoning me?” is the commonly used phrase in this instance. So, if we think about it, its not a bad vs. good but an OBVIOUSLY bad vs. SUBTLY bad.
How are you a good guy if everything you do is going to be stored away as possible ammunition against a woman? That’s not being good, that’s being manipulative; there is an obvious fine line between those two that these self professed “good guys” conveniently fail to notice. What you are doing is no different than those “bad guys” you accuse women of going after. How are you any better than them?
A true good guy is one who holds his woman to a high regard, respects and admires and encourages and protects her, laughs and cries with her, brings her flowers on her birthday, buys her those tampons, holds her hand when she needs comfort and loves her unconditionally with NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES. His actions speak louder than his words and he proves his words to her every chance he gets. He brings his love to her in small, subtle actions. He just wants what is best for his woman and he wants her to be happy. As the common quote states "the true measure of a man’s power is the smile of the woman sitting beside him".
THOSE are the true good guys, and they NEVER finish last.